American Idol Recap – Top 12 – The Results

An hour is simply too long for these results shows.  Especially when there is zero suspense to the elimination.

The show starts with a mashup performance of “Born To Be Wild” and “Born This Way”.  Boy, Gaga gets everywhere fast, doesn’t she.  Then it’s on to a bizarre Ford music video with Haley and Stefano playing lovers.  Then a relatively amusing interview montage where they apparently bleeped Pia because she said “shit-tzu” instead of “shi-tzu” when talking about her breed of dog.

First three on the hot seat:  Jacob, Casey, Lauren.  They’re all safe.  And Casey needs someone to groom his beard.  Please.

Next two: Haley and Paul.  No shocker, Haley is in the bottom three.

Some dude named Lee Dewyze performs, apparently to remind us not to complain about this season with a refresher of what we suffered through for months last year (or to show Casey how silly unkempt facial hair looks).  Ryan says something about Lee having gone from salesman to superstar.  Perhaps he was using the Taylor Hicks dictionary definition of superstar.  He offers some lame “words of wisdom” to the current contestants, who look about as interested as I do in what Lee has to say.

Three more on the hot seat:  Scotty, Pia, and James.  And no shocks here either.  They’re all safe.

Next two: Naima and Stefano.  And I’m 2-for-2 so far, as Naima is in the bottom three.

So we’re left with: Karen and Thia.  Thia is safe, and my alternate for the bottom-three, Karen, winds up in the bottom three.

Next up is a performance by the Black Eyed Peas.  More accurately, a performance by Fergie and will.i.am with special guest cameos by apl.de.ap and Taboo.  Bet they were nervous that they wouldn’t be able to outshine Lee Dewyze.  Not.

And back to the results…

Naima is the first to be sent back to safety.  And then, very surprisingly, Haley is also sent back to safety, which means that Karen is “in danger’ tonight, aka, the subject of fake deliberation by the judges tonight.  She gives us an encore performance of Hero and then Randy tells us that although the decision was not unanimous, Karen is going home.  Which means that either JLo could not stand to see her mini-me go home so quickly or JLo wants Karen to think that at least.  As the cameras filmed JLo consoling Karen, I could almost make out her mouthing “Baby – you should have stayed within a 6-note range.  But you kept trying to push yourself and show that you had a better voice than I do.  Haven’t you learned from me?  I have such an unimpressive voice, but I look like this.  That’s what makes a real superstar.  Here is the number for my stylist, baby.  You don’t need this competition.”

So Howard and Eileen, you called it tonight, while I did not.  I must say though that America did get it wrong.  Karen was not the best up there, but she was decent and diverse.  More importantly, Haley was horrific last night and stands no chance of winning.  Oh, well.  At least America has kept Naima in for another week.  But it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee on Thia.

Wertheim out.